ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
