I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
