he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
