Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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