I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
