Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
