I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
