Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
