I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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