i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
