A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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