I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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