Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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