yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
