I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
