she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
