is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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