thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
