One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
