I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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