this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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