It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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