I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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