If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
