C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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