im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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