no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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