I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
