every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
