The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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