im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
