i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize