You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
