At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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