I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
