Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
