Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
