you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
