8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
