You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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