she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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