You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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