I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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