Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
