apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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