dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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