JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
