I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he thought i was a dude.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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