Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
