Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
