I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
