It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
