So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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