evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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