On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
