As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize