It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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