I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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