grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
