we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
