You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
