im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
