Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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