Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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