i need an iv and a liver transplant
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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