8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
