you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
