can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
