ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
