A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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