Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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