Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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