dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
