She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
