beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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