a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
