We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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