Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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