I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
