Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
