U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
