oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this hospital has no fireball
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
