in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
